293,734,770 miles later....

It's been just about a half of a year since I last posted. That holds some significance for me. It means that I am now on the opposite side of the sun and galaxy than I was six months ago ( we make one full trip around the sun in a year, so, in six months, we are 1/2 way around) It's my understanding that the average distance from the Earth to the Sun is 149,597,890 km which is the radius of the earth's orbit. I can figure that the circumference of that orbit is the radius times pi times two. so then I took half of that and converted to miles and came up with a distance of 293,734,770 miles traveled in the past 6 months.

It's hard for me to visualize that kind of distance, because it is so long. Without this world, I couldn't have traveled that far. This helps me not hate this world. It also helps me realize that all the changes that have occurred in my life the past six months are so insignificant to miles traveled. The most rewarding change was the adoption of a beautiful retired racing greyhound. She is such a lover and has made a perfect fit in my family.

I also lost my job about 146,867,385 miles ago. It's easy to look back now and realize that this was a good thing (especially after reading my earlier post) but at the time came as a crushing blow. I suffer from depression, it's in my genes. This was the first job I was fired from, and I really felt rejected by the owner of the company and betrayed by my manager. She told me when she fired me that they had been discussing it for over a month, so it was really lousy to know that I could have had a month of planning before I was let go.

I do have another job now. I love some parts of it and I dislike some others. It's only part time, but it really is a prestigious position in my field, and I still make quite a bit of money. Some days are better than others, but I remind myself that I am still new, and still learning, so there is bound to be some discomfort here and there.

Unfortunately, after I was fired, I sunk into a dark place. I've never been so low before and some of the thoughts that were sticking around in my head were quite disturbing to live with, so I self medicated, which didn't do much to solve any issues. Eventually I sought help and guidance. I'd like to say I'm "all better now" but the truth is, I'm just different now. It seems like I have more ups and downs than I did before and sometimes, when I'm down, I feel as bad as before. And the ups? well they have been good, but not as frequent as I like.

I'm still on a quest to find myself, but as distracted as ever. I've gone off drugs, I took more drugs, and I quit again. They haven't helped in the long run, so I really don't have room for them, not when I have so far to travel yet.